our feature-length mockumentary is playing on saturday august 8th at Creative Alliance @ the Patterson in Baltimore. the film is in the process of being re-cut, so this is the last screening of the original cut of the film!

8pm august 8th @ creative alliance
3134 eastern ave. baltimore
$8 / $6 for members

http://exittheapple.com/film/RBG/

“iPad” by pierre bennu
photo taken by my wife’s iPhone

(click ‘read more’ for bigger picture) [Read more]

I believe that embracing fear produces courage.

After my brother died in an accident, my mother was inconsolable. I was only 4 years old at the time, but I still understood the seismic shift in my mom’s attitude toward safety. Suddenly, everything around us was potentially dangerous. Overnight, the world had gone from a playground to a hazardous zone. [Read more]

DON’T!
Don’t you ever touch someone’s baby!
Unless given specific permission, don’t do it.
Let me be more specific.
DON’T TOUCH MY BABY!

Look, I don’t know where your hands have been. You might have just come out of a public restroom and god forbid your finger broke through the thin public restroom toilet tissue when you cleaned yourself. Assuming you do that. Then when other people are in there with you, you pretend to wash your hands but it doesn’t matter cause you touched that dirty door knob on the way out. This is the stuff that runs though my mind when your smiling face approaches wanting to touch my child.

Exception: Old women CAN touch my baby. I love when old women touch my baby. The things they say are so beautiful and wise. However …old men. YOU CAN NOT TOUCH MY BABY. Sorry, that’s just the way it is. This old man tried to touch my baby at the farmers market… I saw him coming a mile away with my newly parental super powers. It wasn’t so much that he was old but he was nasty. Like he had that old man skin disease, scaly, scabby undefined old MJ thriller S#!@ all over his forearms and he tried to smile as he was reaching in. I abruptly stared into his eyes and burned his soul then I turned the baby in the other direction. His potential grope tuned into a congratulations to which I responded with a giddy school girl “thank you.”

A friend of mine told me a horror story about when her child was small, random folks would try to kiss her. I asked, what did you do? She said she told them that the baby was sick. That seemed to work. I think I’ll just go that extra mile and tell them he has baby herpes or really bad breath.

Occasionally commercials reach the level of art this is such a commercial.

Reflections on his first bath.
We took pictures of his first bath more as evidence to prove we were doing something loving if he started to freak out and some how slipped and hurt himself. Yes I fantasize about death. I do often now. I am constantly waking up in the middle of the night to see if he is breathing or if I somehow rolled over him.

I’ve been making a list of unrealistic fears.

Unrealistic FEAR 37 I will hold him up like they do in the tv show ‘ROOTS’ and there will inevitably be a ceiling fan in the room that hits him with a succession of thuds. [Read more]

Here is some sound advice from Jay Smooth. His blog is always thoughtful and informative check him out on youtube or at his site. ENJOY.

p.s. to whom it my concern, we need to talk

They made me cut the cord. Let me be clear they didn’t “make me” but when a room full of women who are medical professionals hold surgical scissors in your direction and say “who wants to cut the cord” then they all look at you, you can’t NOT do that. I know its sounds weird to some people but I didn’t want to cut the chord. I’m glad I did but I really like to leave the professional work to the professionals, even the easy stuff.

If you go to a deli for a sandwich if they take the time to fry the meat up, put on the lettuce, tomatoes, onions, bread ketchup, and pickles, oils, pepper, salt and even wrap it in that deli paper and slice it for you I figure they can be the one who puts the toothpick in it.

I decided to write down my experiences really more as therapy though this transition. I know therapy and transition usually have negative connotations but I wanted to dedicate something to beauty. [Read more]

Ok so couple of months ago I became a father.
And I saw it. You know IT !
Birth!
Like a person come out of a person.
As you read this you I can feel you’re not amazed by this. Somewhere in you there is something saying “this happens all the time around the world” or “ I can see a birth on one of these medical shows on cable.”
But maybe you should say the phrase slowly 3 times and really think about it
“A  FULLY FORMED PERSON WAS PUSHED OUT OF ANOTHER PERSON”
I was not bought to tears of joy nor was I terrified it was just AWE. Like watching Cirque de Soleil rehearse. Puzzled… maybe that’s the word I’m looking for? How is this possible? Either way I mention this all to say something to all artists out there.

You are no longer allowed to say that you are  “pregnant with an idea” or that you “gave birth to something ” EVER! [Read more]

I remember the first time I saw George Carlin. I was maybe eight years old, and was flipping though channels at my father’s house. I came across this bearded man speaking to a large crowd of young people. In my mind he was a professor and those were his students… my father being a professor at Hunter College at the time was my only point of reference for that dynamic. He seemed almost too smart to be a comic. I remember watching him & being fascinated by the way he used words and thinking what school is this? Clearly he is teaching but what is the subject? And how fun it must be to be one of his students.

He will be remembered.

He left so much good stuff to for us to marvel at.

I would’ve loved to have been able to tell him to his face how much what he had to say and how he said it meant to me.

He is one of the greats.